“It’s not about forcing happiness, it’s about not letting the sadness win”

I saw this, and I completely agree.

I’m fed up of letting the sadness win, it’s about time I took control of my fucking life. 

I got really upset at John’s the other night, I had an ‘episode’ so to speak, and found myself scratching my arm through agitation. I’ve never done this before, and it scared me a little because I didn’t realise I was actually doing it until I went to the bathroom to calm down and wash my face. 

John and I spoke about certain things and a lot of stuff he says makes perfect sense. Some of the things I’m going to try to conquer are going to be harder than others, but if I stick with seeing the counsellor and taking my meds, then surely things can only get better. I’m going to try to be more productive, stop dwelling on things, stop looking over the fence into other peoples lives and seeing how their living. It’s not healthy.

I’ve applied for a few jobs and a college course. I am going to get what I want through positive thinking. I’m trying to concentrate more on certain things, rather than letting my attention span of a goldfish take over.

I’ve also got to stop eating chocolate, the only excuse I had was that it released endorphins. Mm, endorphins. I know endorphins can be released from exercise, but seriously.. chocolate, or exercise? Mm, chocolate.

The actual funny thing is, I don’t like chocolate. It’s utter madness. You get depressed, so you eat chocolate to release endorphins, but then you get depressed because you ate a fucking chocolate bar and its going to go straight to your hips. Hello vicious circle!

I’m actually going to bed on a good note though, I think that’s progress.