Sounds so, so silly but I’m only 25 and I feel like I’ve completely wasted my life so far.

Most of my friends have graduated from university and have really good jobs. Either that or they are married and have children.

I would like to get married and all that malarkey, and I know that I have found the right person for that job - not a worry in the world about that one! He’s not ready and I’m pushy. I shouldn’t watch programmes about getting married, I guess that would help the situation. Damn you BBC THREE and Don’t Tell The Bride.

I just feel completely frustrated because there’s so many things I want to learn and do and it’s annoying that I can do these things because of certain restrictions.

Maybe I’m just making excuses because the paths I know I have to go down to get there are extremely hard and I feel I don’t have the energy to cope with that shit. This is such a contradictory post, can’t believe what I’m even saying, I’m not even making sense at all. Madness.

In myself I don’t feel OK, especially with my anxiety. It’s gotten a lot worse. I’m trying to do things to keep it at bay because it’s definitely going to restrict my life, I’m just afraid.

It’s a never ending circle though.
I don’t like not working it sends me deeper in to a slump of self-loathing. “Why is it always me?”..”Never happens to anyone else”.. “Blah, blah, fucking blah”. But I don’t feel comfortable enough to work in case I end up having an anxiety related episode. Saying that I feel like I’m letting people down for not working, i.e: my parents, John’s parents and John himself. It’s driving me MAD

I think I could do with a holiday to get away from things, but when I come back the problems will still here there hitting me in the face